She's a Slave 2 Spew

According to some highly dubious reports that are currently running in such banner publications as the Enquirer and the UK's Daily Express, Britney Spears has admitted that she's suffered from bulimia since she was sixteen. So the tally so far:

- drug addiction
- alcohol addiction
- bipolar disorder
- exhaustion
- depression
- post-partum depression
- Satanic (or possibly demon) possession
- bulimia

Which, when you think about it, makes perfect sense. After childbirth, Britney felt really down so she turned to washing down pills with Old Granddad. That would give her a temporary manic lift before lack of sleep set in and she would become exhausted, and this weakened state created the perfect doorway for malignant spirits to enter her body, causing her to vomit uncontrollably. Ta-da!

The Daily Express writes:

Britney Spears has confessed to doctors that she has been suffering from the eating disorder bulimia since she was 16.

The 25-year-old singer tearfully told rehab staff – already treating her for drug and alcohol abuse – that she “pigs out” on junk food like burgers, sweets, biscuits and ice cream then makes herself vomit to avoid putting on weight.

Britney’s nine-year nightmare, revealed in an American magazine, was confirmed by a senior source at the £24,000-a-month Promises centre in Malibu, California.

She entered the centre last month after shaving her head at a hair salon.

“Doctors are alarmed at the physical state she is in,” said the source. “They confronted her about her desperately unhealthy lifestyle and the truth came pouring out.”

Britney said she managed to stop the dangerous habit during her two pregnancies.

But as soon as sons Sean Preston and Jayden James were born, she began the desperately unhealthy cycle again in an effort to lose her added baby weight.

On top of her alcohol and alleged cocaine use, the bulimia turned her into a “human wreck”, according to the source, who added: “When she came here she was shaking and baking. Her whole body was wracked by spasms and she was hot one minute, then freezing cold the next.

“Her first week in detox was real hell. She was in a total mess but slowly she’s pulling through.”

The source said: “For the first few days, she’d take her tablets, then go off and eat breakfast or lunch. She was throwing the whole lot up, so, naturally, her medications weren’t working. Now the medical experts know why, her progress should pick up a little speed.”

Our only hope is that Britney did not read that article on her laptop next to the pool at Promises, lest she misinterpret "pick up a little speed", leading her to get on the horn with her old connections to demand they bring her a small amount of meth.

Brit is much healthier at MrSkin.com.