We're tapped. The formerly abundant and flowing spring has run dry. When it comes to coming up with funny stuff to say about Britney Spears, we are officially running on fumes. Every Frito Lay joke, every Dollar General weave comment, even every "Baby, where are Mama's lollipops?" reference leaves our hearts empty and our souls barren. At this point, she'd have to appear on the cover of Parade naked and covered in her own feces, a crucifix shoved up her v-hole and her grinning mouth smeared with the entrails of her own progeny before we would be able to feebly lift these weary fingers to type out some sort of dippy pun like "Shit Me Baby, One More Time." And speaking of Britney's babies, her former nannies are snitching to the press about her poor parenting skills. After the cut, meet the new Joseph Jackson/Tatum O'Neal/Joan Crawford.
According to , via MSNBC and US Weekly:
Apparently, when Brit isn't busy filling the kids full of their favorite caffeinated concoctions, including coffee, "she also lets them sit in soiled diapers for hours until someone else changes them," the source told Star. "And she keeps both children up late at night to ensure they sleep late – this includes waking them up if they fall asleep before 11 p.m."
As for her other child-care foibles, Star's source says, "she tried to whiten (Sean Preston's) teeth using Crest Whitestrips, but he kept crying. Finally, Britney threw the strips away, telling Sean, 'Fine, you'll just have ugly teeth then!"'
"When Britney is upset, she yells and screams at the boys and once told them, 'You were both mistakes!' She's called them 'burdens, a pain in the ass and the reason (your) father left,'" claims the source.
Another shocking revelation: "She drinks in front of the kids," one former staffer says of Spears, 25, who spent 28 days at Promises Treatment Center earlier this year.
"At first, the drinks would help her loosen up and not be so angry. But she'd inevitably drink too much and be out of it, at which point the nannies would take care of the kids."
And multiple sources confirm Spears' exhibitionist streak: "She'll strip down in front of staff, nannies, whomever," says one. "She'll ask, 'Do I look sexy? Do I look pretty?' She's extremely insecure."
It's sad that a few years ago, a naked, drunk Britney cramming things into boys' mouths was the fantasy of 75% of Earth. How far we fall. How far we fall.
Britney shows it off at MrSkin.com.
