Britney Spears Turns 26, Doesn't Mistake JJ for Cake and Eat Him

We are never satisfied. If Britney Spears does something crazy, we want her to shape up and just be normal. When she does something normal, we want her to throw on a Charles Manson costume and start taking bites out of passersby on the street. (And, yes, we know that Charlie didn't eat people, but that would just add to the crazy.) So naturally we're a bit disappointed that Miss Britney Jean turned 26 years old without, say, accidentally marrying a transgendered trucker she met at Safeway. Instead she just hung out with Sharon Stone. MSNBC reports:

Britney Spears rang in her 26th year on Sunday and although she didn’t have her kids with her, she was surrounded by friends, fun and plenty of swag.

At 9:56 p.m., Spears and her pals Alli Sims and Sam Lufit arrived at the Scandanavian Style Mansion where Sharon Stone was hosting a party. OK! magazine reports that around 11 p.m., a small chocolate birthday cake was presented to Spears and a small crowd broke in to “Happy Birthday.”

Editor-in-chief Sarah Ivens says that the pop princess seemed to be in a much better state that the last time the two were together; during a disastrous photo shoot that resulted in an unfortunate incident with Spear’s dog and a Zac Posen dress. “Britney looked slim and pretty,” Ivens says. “I just kept thinking how much better it was this time around than the last time we spent time with her. We really hope this birthday and her new age will be a turning point.”

And in case you were wondering, the gifting suites at the Mansion made sure the birthday was a memorable one for Spears. She reportedly received the following:

$30,000 in fur coats
A $10,000 diamond and gold ring
$4,000 in Barito brand sunglasses
Various t-shirts and hair products

This party had so much potential, but now that we know that Britney and Sharon can occupy the same space without pulling out each other's weaves/bleached spikes, our dreams of a crotch-flash off are forever dashed. But in case you were wondering, this is how it would go down:

Sharon: Leering in Britney's direction. "I'm just going to sit right here in this chair and demurely cross and uncross my legs. Does everyone have a good view? I can do it again if you didn't get a glimpse. Just go ahead and kneel down and look straight into the beaver."

Britney: "Aw shit, that's nothing, Shazza. That's how I greet my kids, older one and other one. Get a load of this." Hoists herself onto a conveniently placed grand piano, spreading her legs in an extra-wide obtuse angle while shimmying up to her post and keeping them spread like a drug smuggler in a holding cell once she's settled. "Nobody can flash cooter like I can flash cooter, old lady. Top this one."

At which point Sharon flees the room and throws herself down on her mink bedsheets for a good defeated cry.

And for extra fun, click on that Britney pic up there to make it bigger and stare at it until it's time to go home. It'll be better than working on your TPS reports.


Find Sharon's famous furburger flash at MrSkin.com.

And Britney's there too, if a little more covered up.