It has been nigh on a week and a half since Britney Spears eschewed underdrawers and, with Paris Hilton cackling fiendishly at her side, let the deafening thunder of her furless vulva roll throughout the land, toppling buildings and crushing victims under its vaginal rubble. And like other disasters both natural and waxed, various sundry talking heads are weighing in on its impact. After the cut, feminist social critic Camille Paglia and Beaches star Bette Midler join Paris Hilton's vag waxer by weighing in on what, precisely, this means for the country at large (psssst, ladies! It means more material to add to the spank bank of males aged 11-72!).
US magazine rang up author/professor Paglia, who was more than happy to take time out of her busy schedule of thinkin' stuff to offer a lengthy treatice on the subject of what Britney Spears's shorn pudenda stands for during These Troubled Times of War:
On how itís affecting feminism:
ìThese girls are lowering themselves to the level of backstreet floozies. It angers me because I fought a bitter fight to get feminism back on track and be pro-sex at the same time. This is degrading the entire pro-sex wing of feminism.îOn how itís affecting their reputation:
ìI am completely appalled by what these young women are doing because I think that they are cheapening their own image and obliterating all sexual mystery and glamour, which are the heart of the star system.îOn ìThe Kissî:
ìA great promise was contained in the moment when Madonna kissed Britney at the MTV Awards. She in a sense was saying, "Iím passing the torch to you.î It was a fabulous moment. Britney looked toned, in control of her career and it was up to her to take the next step. Literally from that kiss, from that moment onward, Britney has spiraled out of control. Itís like Madonna gave her the kiss of death! Britney is throwing it away!îOn how Hollywoodís changed:
ìThese are women who are clearly out of control because the old studio era is over. The studio system…guided and shaped the careers of the young women who it signed up. It maximized their sexual allure by dealing it out in small doses and making sure you donít have — what has become here — a situation of anarchy.î
Food for thought, for sure. Right now we're picturing Britney and Paris giggling over the funny old lady doing the Lindy Hop and wearing cake mascara and a santitary belt, shaking a long wrinkled finger and saying, "You'd never see Barbara Stanwyck showing off her jing-jang while exiting a Packard, I tell ya! Louis B. Mayer would make sure of that!"
Speaking of funny old ladies, Bette Midler also had a few choice words for Britney and her pantiless ilk:
"I've been on the other side to these wild and woolly sluts that we are seeing around our lives these days and I've taken the other side. I started my life out as pretty wild but I have decided, after much growing and living, that it's time that we got nicer. I'm wearing underwear, in fact a lot of underwear. In fact I'm wearing all the underwear that those girls are not wearing – at least two bras and several pairs of panties. Get a life, get a grip. I mean someone should sit those ladies down."
Sorry, we didn't read that entire quote–we stopped at "woolly", which indicates that Bette obviously hasn't even seen the pictures in question. Nice try, Midler! Nice try.
Britney is available at MrSkin.com.
So's Bette Midler! F'real!
