Britney Spears has decided that the public knows too much about her personal life and has vowed to shut the hell up. We're still not going to leave her alone as long as she sports the zit-cream-in-public, ponytail-on-top-of-the-head, I-saved-these-pants-from-the-dumpster look. Perhaps a nice slacks-and-blouse combo would help her achieve a level of boring that would cause everyone to stop paying attention. Although she'd still have that husband . . .
The Lady Federline recently granted an interview to Allure magazine in which she talked candidly about her marriage. Britney bemoaned, "Like omigod, I have to tell the maid to buy diapers and get the pool boy to walk the dog? Can't I just make out with Kevin all the time? Being married sucks." Like omigod, that does suck. Almost as much as having to do your own shopping and picking up steaming piles of doggy poo yourself. The pop tartlet expressed her regret over the interview on her official website, which has brought us an immeasurable amount of wisdom, fuzzy feelings, and cute doggy pictures in the past. "In the future, I will refrain from discussing my private life in interviews. It will be expressed solely through art." Perhaps Britney will even do the artwork for her next album. We will expect a stick-figure rendition of Kevin in size XXXL jogging gear with stink lines wafting off of his feet and armpits. Or perhaps she could dress up Bit Bit and Lucky as Britney and Kevin and use them as stand-ins for all public appearances while she and Kevvy stay home and make out. Bit Bit would look totally hot in Britney's lacy Grammy dress.
To keep with today's theme, Britney IS topless on the cover of Allure. You just can't see anything good. Sorry.
