Britney Spears and Kim Kardashian Break Up (Not with Each Other)

Hey, boys! Dab a little Frito-Lay product behind your ears and grab your butt-spelunking device, because Britney Spears and Kim Kardashian are both single! E! says:

Britney Spears is once again a solo artist. The 28-year-old pop princess and her talent-agent boyfriend Jason Trawick called it quits at the end of February after about a year of dating, a source exclusively tells E! News.

“They were fighting a lot and have not been getting along,” the source says.

While Bossip scoops:

It looks like all that tabloid talk of Kim and Reggie having relationship trouble is true. Sources tell BOSSIP exclusively that the two have split up. Last week Reggie confirmed the breakup with friends, saying that while he really cares about Kim, all the negative media attention he got following the Super Bowl thanks to her pushiness sent him over the edge. His Super Bowl win was such an important time in his life, but Kim made it all about her.

Let’s be honest, it’s not like this news will affect your life anyway. Like, Britney and Kim are not going to be interested in you. And even if they are, they’re not going to give you their numbers. And even if they do, you’re not going to call. And even if you do, they’re not going to agree to go out with you. And even if they do, it’s not like they’re going to have a threesome with you. And even if they do, don’t bet on them polygamist marrying you.