Apparently itís the week of absolutely shocking news. First weíre thrown straight out of our rocking chairs by hearing that Kate Moss does cocaine. Now weíre faced with the truly unbelievable news that RenÈe Zellweger and Kenny Chesney are having their marriage annulled. If someone tells us that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruiseís relationship isnít based on love or that Kevin Federline canít even spell ìrelationshipî we may just have a stroke.
Zellweger and Chesney wed a mere four months ago after a courtship that was a little shorter than our last trip to the bathroom, and there have been rumors circulating for the better part of those four months that the couple would not last due to Chesneyís controlling behavior. For once the rumors are true and the marriage is being annulled, with official papers citing fraud as the reason for the annulment. Weíre guessing this could mean one of two things: Either Kenny falsely claimed that he was hung like Dirk Diggler, or before the wedding RenÈe had never bothered to peer under Kennyís ever-present cowboy hat to see that heís bald as Telly Savalas. Or perhaps Chesney was under the impression that he was wedding a whisk broom and when he discovered that Zellweger was not actually made of wood he freaked (Hey, some people have really odd fetishes, and who are we to judge a manís love of lumber?). But the truly frightening thing about this completely predictable celebrity uncoupling is that it was predicted by Dr. Phil. The mustachioed god to housewives everywhere forecasted that Zellweger and Chesneyís marriage would survive a mere four months, and he has been proven right. If weíre not careful Dr. Philís psychic power could upset the entire social order. Fat ladies will put down those Ho Hos and step on a treadmill; emasculated men will learn to say no to their nagging wives and refuse to help with the family scrapbook. The resulting surge in self esteem could transform the entire world.
Now that she's on the market again, check out RenÈe at MrSkin.com.
