Cryin' Brian Austin Green: "My Hot Girlfriend's Annoying. Boo Hoo."

Brian Austin Green. Let's review the facts. He was the geekiest and most annoying character on a show full of really irritating people (Although, if memory serves, he was the originator of The Peach Pit After Dark, which might make him a genius). He had a (thankfully) failed rap career. He's easily confused with David Faustino, even if he does have half a foot on little Bud Bundy. His biggest accomplishment in the past ten years has been costarring in Freddie Prinze Jr.'s sitcom, which was so unwatched we weren't even aware of it's existence. He's dating a super hot 21-year-old with terrible tattoos. Which one of those doesn't quite fit? Could it be the last one? Are you wondering how such a pairing works? Easy. She's a demanding shrew and he's a weak little pussy. According to Bauer-Griffin Online:

At approximately 2:00pm at Daily grill in Studio City 90210 ex-star Brian Austin Green was dining with a male friend on the patio.

Our sources, who were seated at the next table, overheard an emotional Green ranting for over a hour about his troubled relationship with actress Megan Fox, who rocketed to stardom after last year's mega-hit blockbuster movie Transformers.

He began comparing Megan to the girl that he had been going out with before her who he'd broken up with for Fox, saying that Fox is behaving just like her. Apparently, the 21-year-old Transformer star is extremely set in her ways. The entire relationship was based on her terms, beginning with a "white board," upon which the pair would document the amount of time allotted to their relationship, family, and work. Green strove to maintain a fifty percent balance between time spent each other, and time spent apart. Fox, however, would sneak behind his back and erase planned dates with Green in order to have more time away from him. In fact, she would regularly cancel plans at the last moment, often by text. Throughout their turbulent relationship, Fox would threaten to get her lawyer involved in their disputes, while Green expressed his shock to his friend as he has never had a personal attorney in his "entire" life. He complained animatedly about how "unfair" their relationship was.

The obviously heart-broken Green went on to say that the young actress and budding star could never sit still and couldn't stand silence yet would moon in bed all day when they had a fight.

After ragging on Fox for close to an hour, the two men realized that the people at the table next to them might have overheard everything they said. Green seemed nervous and his friend asked the other diners if they had been eavesdropping because "that would be really bad." Looks like Fox has finally moved on!

God, she's sounds like a pill. Does she draw up a pre-sex diagram, complete with second-by-second instructions regarding how often he has to tweak her nipples and how many thrusts he has to complete before he can finish?