BREAKING NUDES: South by Southwest 2007

It's that time again, when we send pervy guys with mad eyes into darkened theaters, armed with a pen, a notebook, and a nice long trench coat, to count boobies. This year's South by Southwest festival offers up Elisha Cuthbert showing (someone else's) breasts, Chloë Sevigny unsurprisingly dropping her top, and a very special shoutout to the man who is the sun in our pervy Milky Way, Mr. Skin.

We've all been waiting for Elisha Cuthbert's nude debut for some time now. She looks hot in whatever she does, she played a fricking porn star in The Girl Next Door, and she's BFF with the West's most flashed gash, Paris Hilton. Yet nothing. We get bras and panties. In He Was a Quiet Man, Lish gets steamy with Christian Slater and some bare boobage results. It's just not her boobage. Boo!

Chloë Sevigny. It's one of those names that's synonymous with nudity. She's really proud of those quirky and independent rutabagas of hers. She continues the trend in Sisters, a remake of the Brian De Palma film of the same name, in which Margot Kidder is . . . well, crazy. Shocker there. Jane Birkin offspring Lou Doillon takes over for Kidder but stays covered, leaving the funbag flashing to Chloë in the bathtub.

Our favorite movie screening at SXSW doesn't have much original nudity, but it does pay homage to the man who taught us everything we ever wanted to know about celebrity nudity, Mr. Skin. Our operative reports on Judd Apatow's follow-up to The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up:

In the film, Seth Rogen and his buddies are designing a new website to list and record all the female nude scenes captured on film. This is a running joke throughout the first hour of the movie, which we all couldn't help but die laughing from since I was doing the exact same thing in the theater. ("You almost never get opening credit bush.")

But the payoff comes when Rogen describes the scene to Paul Rudd, who casually replies "you mean like Mr. Skin?" The next shot of the film is a shot of the front page of MrSkin.com with the guys all pissed that someone beat them to the punch. ("Top 10 shower scenes? How come YOU didn't think of that?")

Some nudity is supplied in the form of clips of Denise Richards in Wild Things and the shower scene in Carrie (Hey, two Brian De Palma movies in one story! We're on a roll.), and Stormy Daniels and Nautica Thorn show off their bazooms as strippers. Katherine Heigl spends a good amount of time in her bra and panties, and when she's giving birth there's even a shot of an assumedly stunt vagina. That's not bad for a movie hoping to capture summer blockbuster status, but here's hoping that Apatow learned a little something from The 40-Year-Old Virgin: Keeping the nudity quotient low may help at the Cineplex, but DVDs have special features for three reasons. And those reasons are boobs, bush, and buns!

Can't afford a ticket to Austin? Find all the nudity you can shake your stick at at MrSkin.com. Why don't you start with Chloë Sevigny?