Stamos Nachos Not Greasy Bear's BFF

Today we bring you a very special story of a budding feud between our favorite non-celebrity celebrities, Greasy Bear and Stamos Nachos. It's kind of like one of those Battle of the Network Stars come to life where the contestants consist of a few Price Is Right models, the left center square from Hollywood Squares, and Charles Nelson Reilly.

Page Six brings us this riveting account of a night in the life of the Greasy Bear:

BRANDON "Greasy Bear" Davis is so unpopular, even his friends don't want to be associated with him. The oil-heir grandson of the late Marvin Davis showed up to the Details magazine party March 29th at producer Mary Parent's house in Hollywood and became enraged when he was denied access. According to our spy, "he started demanding that staffers get Stavros [Niarchos]." The Greek shipping heir had evidently told Davis about the party and was already inside. But when staffers found Niarchos, he begged them to tell Davis that he wasn't there, adding, "I didn't invite him here, and I don't really want to be around him." Niarchos then joined the other revelers. Davis eventually made such a fuss that he was allowed in - and Niarchos beelined to a Details editor to apologize, adding, "You know I would never bring him here."

The rest of Stamos's pleading proceeded thusly, "Please, Mister, don't get mad; it's not my fault. He followed me here, I swear. I tried to get rid of him, turned down dark alleys and ducked behind mailboxes, but he has a superhuman sense for the smell of Paris Hilton. He can smell it from miles away, and even though I haven't touched her in months I just can't get the stench to go away. If you invite me to your next party I promise to bathe in tomato juice and CK1 to rid the stink and lose the bear."