The Hollywood Poop

Welcome Back, Sugar Tits

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And in lesser awards-show news, that frat-boy channel you've never watched, you know, the one that plays Fletch every Saturday afternoon, gave some statues away this weekend as well. But we're a little bit confused by Spike TV's Guy Choice Awards, as it seems that Brad Pitt won an award for Fight Club, which is too old to win actual awards, but not yet old enough to win those ass-kissing lifetime achievement awards. Maybe this will become a trend in awards shows. Next year's crop of Golden Globes will honor the greatest achievements in the film and television output of 2005. Anyway, the award was presented to Brad by recent impregnator Mel Gibson, who was greeted with a "Thanks, sugar tits" as Brad took the stage. We think this is a grave, grave mistake on Brad's part. Brad isn't dealing with Mel of old, who would just slur a lot and spittle some Jim Beam in his face. He's hooked up with a Russian now. And multiple episodes of 24 have taught us that you don't fuck with the Russians. They'll call up an underling on a supposedly secure line and bark orders in a scary accent about "employing the GPI device" and then we're all dead. Is that what you want, Brad? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

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