Things to do when you wish to gain custody of your child: Shower. Wear a suit. Keep a steady job. Hire a reputable lawyer. Don't refer to your offspring as "a rude, thoughtless little pig." Things Bobby Brown does when he wishes to gain custody of his daughter Bobbi Kristina: Claim he couldn't attend the first court hearing because he was broke. Admit he's been homeless since his divorce from Whitney Houston. According to TMZ, Bobby B said:
"After Whitney and I separated, I had nowhere to go and very little money to live on. I was, for all intents and purposes, homeless. . . . I believe I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter Bobbi Kris — a relationship that I would like to see strengthen and grow."
"Hey, Mr. judge man, I really like my kid. She cool. And I'd really like to hang with her. I've got this great bench I stay on in the park; it hardly has any pigeon shit on it. And most days this nice businessman walks by and gives me a dollar and I can go to Taco Bell and get a bean burrito. I would definitely share it with Bobbi Kris. She likes beans. We'd be tight. It would be awesome for her, so I'd really like you to grant me custody." Sounds like a plan, Bobby. But what about all those other kids you have? Do their mommas not have lucrative back catalogs that include "I Will Always Love You" and "Greatest Love of All"?
