Baby Federline Better Source of Cash than an ATM

We haven’t really been keeping up with the new baby Federline (official name still unknown, but being referred to by "journalists" as Sean Preston), but that’s just because we’ve been caught up in more interesting things, like stuffing our face with Funyuns and yelling at Kevin to stop playing the f-ing Playstation and change the kid’s diaper for once. Oh, wait, that’s what Britney’s been doing since the kid’s birth. We’ve just been drunk on Boone’s Farm.

Just like any good mom, Britney has allegedly been negotiating the price on her newborn’s head. It looks like the American version of OK! will win the first pics of the littlest Federline (for a mere $15 mil), what with their ass-kissy-er than People ways and their habit of throwing oodles of cash at the already super rich. Rumor has it that Britney’s even been planting Britney-and-baby decoys to throw off the paparazzi in order to keep her baby’s price at a premium. And because we know it’s very important to you to know whom baby Federline will live with when Britney dies in a tragic exploding Frappacino incident and Kevin’s carted off for possession, we can now report that Britney has chosen a godmother. And, no, it’s not Madonna, but rather Sex and the City star (and unfortunate one-time Britney co-star) Kim Cattrall. We do not think Kabbalah would approve. And now that we think about it, we’re not even sure if Kabbalaists are supposed to have godparents. Like the kid isn’t going to be confused enough as it is. And in our continuing coverage of Kevin Federline: Father of the Year, we bring you this choice quote: "My son is a gangsta, man! The first time I held him in my arms, he peed on me! I had to change my shirt!" Apparently Kevin Federline is the premier voice in what is “gangsta”. Soon we’ll see 50 Cent and Kanye West showing up at clubs and awards ceremonies and peeing on their enemies. After all, that is much more insulting than getting shot.
Britney's pre-baby body at MrSkin.com.