Author Archives: Agent E.
Rihanna Won’t Suffer Pinky Dicks
We love it when celebrities are honest. Some famous lady talks about how she farted in her costar’s face when he was giving her a movie mouthjob? That’s cool. So we’re all for Rihanna telling everybody how much she wants a giant wang. Oh wait, that sounded wrong. She doesn’t want to BE a dude [...]
Pretty Ladies in Their Skivvies
You might wonder why we’re bothering to yammer on about supermodels in their underwear when we’ve got actual naked supermodels to talk about, but you know what? Fuck it. We like the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show and we don’t care who knows it. Heidi Klum’s usually there, and she’s pretty and funny and we [...]
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Tagged Alessandra Ambrosio, Doutzen Kroes, Heidi Klum, Marisa Miller, Miranda Kerr, underwear, Victoria's Secret
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Leighton Meester Demonstrates Twoface Abilities
That picture to your left there? That’s Leighton Meester when she’s allowed to do her own makeup. She looks like she’s about to dislocate her jaw so that she can wrap those clown lips completely around your head and slurp you up in one fluid swallow. But below we have a more pleasing representation. GQ [...]
Mariah Carey Demands Kittens
We think Mariah Carey is the closest the world will ever come to a real Disney princess come to life. In fact, we’re kind of surprised that we don’t see her decked out in frilly pink gowns with skirts the diameter of dinner tables more often. But we’re not at all surprised that Mariah demanded [...]
This Is Just Gross
Now that Brittany Murphy’s steady King of the Hill paycheck has gone to syndication heaven, girl’s gotta work. And though we haven’t seen her in anything since that movie where she nannied Dakota Fanning (Shut up. It was on TBS.), she apparently has five movies in some state of production. Yes, five. So she needs [...]
Avril Lavigne Unnecessarily Resurrects Wilmer Valderrama
There are some celebrity ex-boyfriends that we desperately want to return to the spotlight. Day after day we gaze upon the picture of Stamos Nachos that we cut from an old issue of Us Weekly and tacked up next to our computer and we lament, “Oh, Nachos, when will you ever return to us, our [...]
90210’s Jessica Lowndes Sports Side Boob, Side Ponytail
We’ve seen a lot of titties in our day. Sure, maybe not in person, but magazines and computer screens count, right? So we know that there are all different shapes and sizes and hangs and dimensions and whatnot. But we also know that plastic surgery can mess up (or fix, whatever) all of these things. [...]
Megan Fox Says Something Dumb; We Report on it ‘Cause We’re Suckers.
We have a penchant for voluntarily bringing pain upon ourselves, sure. For example, sometimes when we’re bored we do a Google image search for Jocelyn Wildenstein and spend as many long, torturous minutes as we can handle staring into picture after picture of the physical embodiment of man’s capacity for evil. But watching Jennifer’s Body? [...]
Blake Lively’s Boobs: Cruel Plastic Hoax?
Awhile back there was this little show called the Emmys. People got awards for doing stuff like managing not to completely trod all over the grave of the best documentary ever. And it was really boring. So we focused on Blake Lively’s boobs. And we scratched our head. We looked and stared and contemplated and [...]
Seeing Lindsay Lohan’s Beautiful Face Should Be Payment Enough for Goods and Services
It’s officially over. What, you ask? Lindsay Lohan’s career. But how do we know? Is it because we are other-level geniuses who see into the eye of celebrity and discern all of its most closely guarded secrets? Well, yes, but also because we read People. That tells us a lot. Like how Lindsay wasn’t able [...]