Ask Men's Masturbation Cheat Sheet

Are you completely out of touch with the world? Are you still clinging to a stained and torn copy of 1987's JCPenney catalog, the lingerie section of which you have completely devoted to memory? Do you need new meat for your masturbatory fantasies? Ask Men is here for you, Mr. Stuck in the '80s Man, and has helpfully compiled a list of the 99 women you should most want to have sex with. And, no, the 17-year-old girl who works at KFC who kind of looks like your hot cousin isn't on it, you sick freak.

You knew you wanted to totally bang Jessica Alba, right? That's common knowledge. But we bet you didn't know that you also wanted to play hide the salami with Adriana Lima. (We don't follow the world of Brazilian modeling, so we don't even know who she is.) But thanks to AskMen.com, we are now informed masturbators. We even know that Sienna Miller has a Desirability Score of 9.01, compared to Jessica Simpson's paltry 8.47 (she didn't even make it into the top 10). And in case you need a cheat sheet to know whom you should be devoting the most time to, here are Ask Men's top 10 women of 2006:

1. Jessica Alba
2. Sienna Miller
3. Angelina Jolie
4. Adriana Lima
5. Maria Menounos
6. Charlize Theron
7. Jessica Biel
8. Amerie
9. Natalie Portman
10. Eva Longoria

Now you will never have to pop one off to dusty old thoughts of your elementary-school lunch lady ever again. Unless that's your thing. We don't judge.
Most of these ladies are at MrSkin.com. Why don't you start with Angelina Jolie and proceed from there. People seem to like seeing her naked.