Ashlee Simpson to Become Mrs. Fall Out Girl

At this very moment, thousands of pubescent emo girls are artfully applying eyeliner only to streak it with tears for the perfect Myspace bathroom photo op. Why? The object of their stirring groins, Fall Out Boy member Pete Wentz, is getting married. To Ashlee Simpson. Ashlee confirmed the rumors via a message to Friends or Enemies:

"We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes - it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, but we wanted you to hear it straight from us."

The couple is registered at Hot Topic. Please take a moment to wish them well and purchase them a black KitchenAid mixer covered with studs.

Furthermore, US Weekly asked Ashlee's rep if she was pregnant and was shut down with a "No comment." When Ashlee and Pete's (hypothetical) child reaches that age when he or she asks the "How are babies made?" question, they'll have it easy, being able to say, "Well, when a Mommy and Daddy love each other very much, the mommy gets a nose job and then the daddy takes pictures of himself next to a strategically placed Morrissey poster to set the mood." And then Ashlee and Pete will whip out all Pete's wiener shots of yore, point to his penis, and say, "There. You came from there, honey."