To Ashlee Simpson, Foot Massage=Cervical Dilation

We're seriously beginning to think that Ashlee Simpson's uterus is lined with velcro or something, because the little Wentzlet just will not come out. Maybe he/she heard its daddy cooing about how he had the nursery all set up for the baby's arrival (baby-size flat-ironing station, MySpace photo booth, drawers and drawers full of skinny jeans, life-size Morrissey poster) and is too damn scared to leave the womb. Aunty Jessica is even droning on about how stubborn that kid is. People reports:

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is so eager to finally give birth that she may induce labor, her sister Jessica Simpson says.

"They're going to have to. It's already developing really quick," Jessica said Monday at a taping of the The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

Ashlee – described by husband Pete Wentz more than two weeks ago as due at any moment – has already tried other ways to begin labor.

"Different foot massages and stuff," Jessica told DeGeneres in the show airing Wednesday. "I don't know. I think she's really just jumping around trying everything right now."

We know Ashlee is young and sheltered and a bit naive, but she knows that babies come out vaginas, right, not feet? We're a little worried that she ran into the pregnant man (btw, you can go away now, we're no longer fascinated, thank you) and is now all confused about the birthing process. Sweetie, he has a vagina, just like you. And that is where your little Petey Jr. will emerge from. So maybe you should think about a nice labia massage if you're really committed to getting that thing out of you.