We've been gypped. Somewhere along the line some lonely blogger with a neglected boner heard the words "Angelina Jolie" and "twins" and immediately started to resurrect his very detailed Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield fantasies, only with poutier lips and billions more dollars. And somehow that rumor spread, until everyone on the interwebs thought it was fact that the Jolie-Pitt kiddies would pop out sans baby wieners. Not so. Angie was cut open on Saturday, and one messianic boy and one female bundle of perfection were pulled out. Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline now join the ranks of Max and Emme Anthony and Phinnaeus and Hazel not-Roberts as A-list mixed-sex twins. Way to go, Angie. We thought you had more individuality in you. Like maybe you'd blow everyone's minds and birth twin raccoons named Bandit and Scamp. Brad really has turned you conventional.
You may be racked with sadness over the missed opportunity to polish off you old Olsen twins countdown-to-legal-twincest calendar for a greater purpose, but you know who's even sadder about this birth than you? Jon Voight. Sure, as soon as he heard the announcement during a Living Lohan commercial break on E! he was on the phone with every press contact in his Rolodex (which by the way looks like this: New York Daily News, New York Post, People, Star, Us Weekly, James Van Der Beek, and a couple of pages marked "Angie" and "James" with the contact info left blank). He gushed and gushed about how happy he was for his daughter, telling The Insider:
"I'm over the moon – it's magnificent. In this world, all we can hope for is that mommy and the kids are healthy. I'm very excited. If I were called today, I'd be there."
We're pretty sure that as soon as that phone call ended he cried into his Hungry Man dinner. But we can't really feel sorry for him. We're guessing that if that call from Angelina ever comes, Jon will equip himself with high-tech hidden cameras a la a John Stossel investigation and sell the footage to Access Hollywood.
Check out Knox and Vivienne's next meal at MrSkin.com.
