Amy Winehouse and Husband Take the British Term "Bloody" Too Literally

Can't a man not control his bitch with violence? Y'all are brutalizing me. Ronnie and Tammy Dobbs take a real-life form today as a mushmouthed Englishwoman and a tool in a porkpie hat. Early yesterday morning, Amy Winehouse and her unemployed husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, were not so Fielder-Civil to one another as they engaged in a hearty bout of fisticuffs. According to the Daily Mail:

Guests at the Sanderson hotel reported hearing the sound of clattering furniture and screaming coming from [Amy and Blake’s] £500-a-night suite. The fight left 23-year-old Winehouse with blood staining her pink ballet shoes and the knees of her jeans. Purple bruises could be seen on the side of her neck and her knuckles were swollen. But her 24-year-old husband appeared to have come off a lot worse with cuts and scratches on both cheeks and around his neck.

Today, Amy texted Perez Hilton that:

Blake is the best man in the world. We would never ever harm each other... I was cutting myself after he found me in our room about to do drugs with a call girl and rightly said I wasn't good enough for him. I lost it and he saved my life . . . He did not and never has hurt me. He has such a hard time and he so supportive . . . He is an amazing man who saved my life again and got cut badly for his troubles . . . All he get's is horrible stories printed about him and he just keeps quiet, but this is too much.

We took a gander at the pictures of the clotted aftermath of Blake and Amy's romantic tussle, and we're inclined to believe Amy's passionate Blackberry plea. It's clear that Blake was simply trying to slap that preposterous eye makeup off Amy's lids, and Amy, similarly, was using her fingernails with some force to finally wrench that douchetacular Euroscarf from around her husband's neck. In the next few weeks, expect plenty of lash marks and festering head wounds as Blake succeeds in tearing that braided leather belt from Amy, as she liberates him from his scoop-neck tank tops. The battle against poor fashion and grooming can be a brutal one, and we commend the Winehouse-Fielder-Civils for their obvious commitment to each other's appearances.