Something Evil's Lurking in the Dark

It's times like these that lead us to question our line of work. Do we have a moral obligation to ignore these pictures of Amy Winehouse getting scabby, punchy, and crackulous? Or do we post them because we fancy ourselves a legitimate news source? Ultimately, after much soul-searching over some McGriddles, we decided to post them in hopes that it would scare our young fan base into a life of straight-edge teetotaling, thus making us heroes! The Sun reports:

Junkie singer Amy Winehouse’s dad insisted she was "fine" yesterday — hours after she punched a wall and burst into tears. Wild-eyed Amy, 24, caused her fist to bleed. The star, who had one of her nails ripped off, also lashed out at her security guards.

With her face ravaged by the skin condition impetigo, Amy wore torn and filthy ballet pumps as she flew into the rage in Camden, North London, early yesterday.

An onlooker said: "With her pale face and smeared make-up, she looked like something out of Michael Jackson's Thriller video. It was really sad to see."

But dad Mitch later insisted to The Sun: "Amy is doing fine."

Darkness falls across the land.
The midnight hour is close at hand.
Winehouse crawls in search of drugs
To terrorize your neighborhood.
And whosoever shall be found
Without the ale for chugging down
Must stand and face the scabs of hell
and rot inside a beehived shell.
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of crack farts and faux hair
And British ghouls with tattooed boobs
Are closing in to steal your booze
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The rotting of . . . her liverrrrrrrrr. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! MUAAHAHAHAHAH!