Booze-Starved Wild Wino on the Loose!

Occasionally, when nature is overpopulated and food sources are low, wild animals will find their way to urban areas and cause terror as they lope around the pavement, searching for berries or muskrats, until the authorities show up and put a dart in their necks. That’s exactly what happened yesterday in London when Amy Winehouse made a break for it and carjacked a random vehicle for a ride to the pub. Because like a deer craves tulip buds, a Winehouse cannot live without ale. The Telegraph reports:

The troubled singer did a runner from her home yesterday and dived into a passing convertible containing a group of girls.

They sped off for a 20-minute drive around north London, only for Winehouse to jump out of the moving car in Camden, hurl abuse at the girls and leg it into the nearest pub.

According to eye witnesses, she was eventually dragged out by her exasperated father, Mitch, and taken home, where a burly minder was stationed by the front door – there to bar entry to unwanted visitors, but also seemingly to keep Winehouse out of harm’s way.

One onlooker said: “Amy could be heard pleading to be allowed out for some fresh air, only to be told to stick her head out of the back window. Anyone who rang her doorbell had to be given approval by the man on the door. He left after a few hours, only for another big guy to take his place.”

Try to imagine the terror you’d feel if you and your buddies were tooling down the street in the late afternoon, laughing, relaxing, maybe humming along to a little T-Pain on the radio. And then, from off to the side, you see an enormous barrel of synthetic black hair and facial scabs screaming towards you, waving its hands and shouting, “Me dad’s got me locked up, cor blimey! Fancy takin’ me to the fookin’ pub for pint, innit?” and spewing crack breath mixed with gingivitis on your custom leather. It would be more horrifying than getting carjacked by a group of disaffected youths with semiautomatics.

Bone up on more Winehouse at MrSkin.com.