Remember when Alec Baldwin called his daughter Ireland a "rude, thoughtless little pig"? Fun times, right? Well now Ireland is thirteen, and Daddy's opinion of her hasn't grown too much. Now he thinks she should be fed to a volcano. On a recent appearance on Letterman, Baldwin joked:
I see why, in these films where they represent the Mayan culture or any tribal culture or Hawaiian culture, they always throw the teenage girl into a volcano. They always say, oh, it's their hormones, and I really don't care. They should be sent to some kind of Chinese re-education camp in the mountains for five years.
Sure, people think this is mean and insensitive and Alec should stop ragging on his daughter in public, but c'mon. Have you spent any time with thirteen-year-old girls lately? They are scarier than any mythical monster that has ever appeared in film, literature, art, tattoos, or tabloids. Right now there is thirteen-year-old girl in a Forever 21 dressing room screeching at her mom, "I want BLACK black! This is blue black! God, you are so stupid. Don't you know anything? If I show up at the dance in a blue black dress I will look JUST LIKE Stephanie and everyone will laugh at me and my life will be OVER! Is that what you want? Are you trying to ruin my life? God, why do you hate me? You are so mean. Go get me a black black one or I will never ever ever ever speak to you again. And then get me a frappy. NOW, Mother." We're thinking Baldwin was being a little conservative with that whole five-year thing. We say, ship 'em off at thirteen and they can come back when they're 27.
