Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher seem to have disappeared off the face of the planet following their September 2005 nuptials. In a new interview with Details, Ashton gives some insights into what exactly it is that he's been up to for the past year. And it seems that what he's been up to is accessorizing. Playing the Jimmy Choos to Demi's Dior dress, acting as the Harry Winstons to her Vera Wang.
Women! Ya can't live with 'em, you can't kill 'em! Ahaha! Know what we're sayin', buddy! They're from Venus! PMS and chocolate! Hoo boy, we're tellin' ya! Right? Ashton knows what we're talking about. Not even a year with his beloved, slowly crepe-ing, elderly bride and he's already got the "Do I look fat?" angle down like a champ. In his interview, Ashton waxes poetic on what it's like to dress for an evening out with Ms. Moore:
ìHow does this look?î When he replied, ìIt looks fantastic,î Demi would respond, ìWell, I hate it.î Now each time his opinion is requestedóand he is asked each timeóhe has learned to say, ìëHow do you feel in it?í That is the most important thing. Because if she feels good, youíre going to have a good night. If she doesnít, youíre not.î
ìIíll go, ëSo youíre wearing brown?íî Kutcher says. ìThen I know Iíve got to either go for a brown or khaki suit. You could go navy, too. If sheís wearing black, you just wear black. Matching is not her job. Itís yours. Youíre the purse.î
While it's sad enough that handsome, promising star Kutcher has been relegated to the job of "professional corsage", he happily refers to himself as "the purse". He could have chosen an accessory with a slightly more phallic flair–the hair comb, the biker belt, a particularly butch stiletto heel–but instead, he chose to liken himself to a soft, malleable vessel that holds tampons–a supplemental vagina. Telling.
Demi Moore accessorized with NOTHING . . . at MrSkin.com.
And Ashton is whipped at MaleStars.com.
