. . . But Where Was George Gaynes?

Granted, we at CelebNewsWire have never actually given birth (not to a human infant, anyway), so maybe we, you know, shouldn't judge, but when we make a mental list of what we'd like in the delivery room with us, Ashton fucking Kutcher would be pretty far down on the invoice.

According to People, Soleil Moon Frye (you know. Punky.) had, in her birthin' room: "1) Van Morrison and Bob Dylan background music; 2) a Buddha figurine as a focal point for contractions; and 3) Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher (along with a group of other close friends and relatives)." OK, background music? A lovely idea. Although we think Celtic Frost would lend itself better to nativity, but hey, we don't hate. Buddha figurine? Ummmm, wellllll, better a Buddha than a Kabbalah string or an L. Ron action figure or Trump Barbie. But that last point! That's the point that gets us. We're not sure if our readers know what the birthing process is like, but it involves spread legs, sweating, enemas, blood, needles, and a very large infant head being pushed through one's vagina. Not exactly a Botox party, friends, and not exactly the state in which we'd want our shoe-shopping pals to see us. Anyway, Kutcher was a truly unnecessary addition to the childbirth entourage–Punky and her husband ended up naming their newborn daughter Poet. That kid got punk'd without any help from Kutch.

See more of Soleil at MrSkin.com. Just not quite as much as Demi and Ashton probably saw.