filed under: Alec Baldwin

By now, your email-forward-happy coworker has surely sent you the link to this voice mail message featuring Alec Baldwin giving his eleven-year-old daughter, Ireland, a solid tongue-lashing. You've no doubt furrowed your brow listening to Mr. Baldwin call his only child a "rude, thoughtless pig," shouting "you have insulted me for the last time!" as if he were addressing a gentleman in a top hat who had just referred to him as a "witless cur," insulting her mother and threatening to get on a plane to "straighten [her] ass out." And you've certainly made the connection that the message was most likely leaked by the child's mother, Kim Basinger. And then you most definitely started to think about how the kid has been the center of one of Hollywood's ugliest custody battles and, being eleven, now likely realizes that she's her parents' favorite tool when it comes to pushing each other's buttons. And right about now, you're thinking "man, this sucks," and "Ireland Baldwin's tell-all is going to go down so nicely at the beach with a margarita" and "Kim Basinger is pretty." more »

We never had any particular opinion on the union between Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. He's a funny man and we have enjoyed some of his films and 400 Saturday Night Live appearances, and she likes to take her clothes off on film. So we suppose it was a good thing (other than them naming their only daughter Ireland). But their custody battle has provided us with a few chuckles over their mutual bat shitness. Now Alec's accusing Kim of bribing Ireland with chocolate bras. Wait, that was a typo. We meant chocolate bars. A ten-year-old receiving chocolate bras from her mother would just be creepy. more »

The custody battle over Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger's child is growing more acrimonious by the day. He says their battle is like cancer, and she's a "child-snatcher". She says that he's really really really really really really hairy. OK, she didn't really say that, but we were all thinking it. Admit it. more »