filed under: Al Reynolds

Whatever mystical hoodoo has been floating around Famouspeopleland making them get impregnated with twins has soured and is now causing relationships to melt like a Fat Frog in the sun. Kanye West and his fiancιe have called off their engagement, and today it was announced that two other relationships have shit the bed.

Packing their bags and boarding the S.S. Brokenheart: the pneumatically awesome Kelly Brook and Your Friend Billy Zane! According to our gossip marriage counselor, FemaleFirst, a source said,

"After much soul-searching, Kelly decided that Billy is not the man she wants to marry and has called off the engagement. The split is completely amicable and they remain good friends."

Keep in mind that Billy attempted to put the kibosh on Kelly baring any more of her storied flesh than necessary. We expect a grand, post-breakup coming out for Kelly in the near future. Coming out of her drawers, that is.

And speaking of "coming out", Star Jones has filed for divorce from her waxed and manicured hunk o' man Al Reynolds. She told ET:

“Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone’s life that requires privacy with one’s thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman.”

Al, too, looks to emerge from this period a stronger and wiser woman.

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• Ashley Olsen thinks paparazzi are "weird and scary". Also, paparazzi thinks Ashley Olsen is "weird and scary". (Female First)

• Kate Beckinsale does Anna Karina for Mean magazine. Eat your tits out, Lohan-as-Marilyn! (Popbytes)

• Kate Moss models. She doesn't model clothes, though, since it seems she's not wearing any. (Egotastic!)

• Mischa Barton's recent DUI charges haven't affected the buoyant spirits of her side boob much. (Taxi Driver)

• Star Jones is set to divorce husband Al Reynolds, because she "felt Al had spent their marriage riding her success while she did all the heavy lifting". Either that, or Al spent their marriage riding hot, oiled-up dudes who look like they do a lot of heavy lifting. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Some yahoo called 911 on Heather Locklear and told them she was going to kill herself. Denise Richards, you prankster. (CelebWarship)

• Heath Ledger never updated his will to include Michelle Williams or baby Matilda. (Celebridiot)

• Button, button, who's got the button? Patricia Heaton sure doesn't. WTF? (Drunken Stepfather)

• Jenna Jameson dresses up as Bettie Page for PETA. "I'd rather get donkey-punched after ATM than wear fur!" makes for a pleasant catchphrase. (The Blemish)

• Janet Jackson has been hospitalized with the flu. Much more plausible than "Exhaustion", to be sure. (I'm Not Obsessed)

• Rebecca Romijn's lettuce heads. They're ripe, they're healthy, they're shilling for mall-slut store Bebe! (Popoholic)

You know what we're betting? That you miss Kevin Federline. You've probably been spending your evenings just chillin' in the BK parking lot, where all the straight playas hang, droppin' dope beats and givin' advice on the proper length of manpris. You've probably even been making up your own words and telling everyone it's Portuguese. We know how you do. Well, we've got some good news for you, as KFed showed up at the Kentucky Derby last weekend. Page Six reports:

Downtown at the Stereo party, Kevin Federline was not amused when organizers brought him to a table in the VIP area he deemed was too small and said, "Yo, I need a bigger table - I got six bitches with me."

After DJ AM finished his set, Federline hi-jacked the microphone from Kid Rock. K-Fed gave "shout-outs" to hot girls in the crowd and screamed, "I got four kids already - which one of you Kentucky girls wants to have my fifth?"

There were no takers, and a spy said Kid started to "tool" on Federline, making fun of him.

We hear at the race itself Federline spied the Queen and confessed, "Damn, bitch is lookin' fine. I'd give her a coupla shorties."

And what else was happening in the club that night? May Anderson's friends were taking pictures of her panties "while Star Jones and Al Reynolds ground hips nearby." Does a sustained retching sound constitute a joke? Cause that's all we've got.

TOTALLY GROSS UPDATE: Yeeeah! brings us picutres of the Star-on-Al action. He seems as disgusted by the prospect as we are.

• As a half-Jew, Rob Schneider refuses to ever work with Mel Gibson. Braveheart 2 just got 54% less zany!

• Ever seen pink pee before? No? Ever seen Pink pee before? Also no? Well, here ya go.

• Carmen Electra and Shannon Elizabeth are pals. If C-list hangs with D-list, does that elevate them to B-list?

• If you posess fashion experience and much love for checkered bondage pants, you can work for Gwen Stefani and her L.A.M.B. label. Just email skagirl.com. Skagirl . . . we think we cybered with her in the AOL Skankin' Pickle room in 1994.

• Melanie Griffith takes the Cruddiest Mom of the Year crown from Dina Lohan when she lights her teenage daughter Dakota's cigarette.

• Cindy Crawford plus stripper pole plus mojitos minus bra equals summer fun for the whole family.

• Al Reynolds dons spandex; gets late-night booty call from large man in bucket hat.

• In case you were wondering who, on God's green Earth, would admire the jauntily shoddy designs of Charlie Sheen's ill-timed kidswear company, Sheen Kidz, the answer is: Britney. Naturally.

• Penelope Cruz is the first non-Scientologist to step forth and claim that Suri No Middle Name Cruise exists.

• Is David Geffen getting Stiflered?

Finally abandoning her dream of engaging in normal, missionary copulation with her husband, Star Jones gives up and gives it to Al the way he usually likes it.

More fun with Al n' Star here.

If you felt a twinge of dread upon waking this morning, it wasn't just the realization that your office job is sapping your will to live. It was your brain telepathically picking up the news that Star Jones and her cute, cuddly, closety hubby Al want to have a baby. Good thing Halloween is almost here--she can dress up her vagina as an adult male anus and make those dreams come true! more »