Remember a week or so ago when we told you that Tomfat was too, well, fat to fit into his wedding tux? Luckily Giorgio Armani has some experience working with bingers and purgers and knows how to hide a few extra calories clinging to the hips: Slap a girdle on it and watch it waddle down the runway, hoping the seams can hold in the tide of blubber until the after party.

Janet Charlton's Hollywood relates Tom Cruise's secrets for disguising that half a cheesecake you stuffed into your maw while convincing yourself you'd spend all weekend at the gym:

Tom was wearing a GIRDLE under his tuxedo at his wedding! In case you haven't noticed, Tom packed on around twenty pounds in the past few months before the big event. He says he's a "nervous eater." And he's had a lot to be nervous about - his exit from Paramount and his high octane marriage. When Tom arrived in Rome, we hear that Giorgio Armani was apoplectic because the wedding tux was too small. Armani personally tended to all the fittings while Tom's pants were let out and various details were adjusted. Tom wanted to look svelte so he didn't protest when Giorgio suggested girdling Tom's midsection so the jacket would fall properly. The corset was sewn into Tom's undergarment. Everyone was sworn to secrecy, but those Armani employees love to gossip, and are we grateful for THAT!

We thought there was nothing we could love more than fat Tom Cruise. We had dreams of him eating bucket upon bucket of popcorn shrimp, smearing cock sauce all over his face (we're almost certain we meant cocktail sauce), and ballooning to the size of latter day Marlon Brando. The thought delighted us. But even better is the thought of pudgy Tom squeezing himself into a girdle, pushing layers of fat into its sausage-like confinement. But aside from sheer delight, this story also unlocks the Kate Cruise mystery. Electroshock and psychotropic drugs can sometimes fail, but ensconcing your captive war bride in a contraption of canvas and bone so that her airways are constricted and all that may escape her mouth are single words like amazing and wonderful is pure genius.

Gaze upon Tomfat in leaner days at MaleStars.com.