Kevin Federline must have done some pretty shitty things to his soon-to-be ex-wife, because Britney wants him living on the street begging for change and Fubu gear. We haven't seen Brit's dogs in a while; maybe Kevin heard purse pooches provide a better high than shrooms and tried to stuff them in his bong and smoke them.

It's been almost three months since Jayden James Federline pushed his way out of his mother's grease-lined womb and said hello to the world, yet we have not seen his face. Unlike the last time we endured an agonizing wait for celebrity-baby photographic reassurance, there are no accusations of L. Ron parentage or alien chromosomes. As it turns out, most astonishingly, Britney's just way smarter than we ever gave her credit for (or at least she's smart enough to hire shrewd lawyers). Women's Wear Daily reports:

Not only is Spears newly K-Fed-free, she is now offering photos of her second son, Jayden James, born in September — and gratis for the right magazine. Sources say Spears has sidestepped her usual go-to venue, People, which ran the first photos of the then-happy family in December. Instead, she's gunning for the prestige of a monthly or bimonthly, hoping to rehabilitate her flagging image in the TomKat/Vanity Fair mold.

As one of a handful of editors who had been called by Spears' representation on the story pointed out, monthly women's magazines don't write checks for photos and interviews, as People reportedly has for her in the past. But a little-known clause in the prenuptial agreement the couple signed guarantees Kevin Federline proceeds from all photos, which perhaps is another reason Spears is going for image rather than cash. Another complicating factor is that Spears has dropped her longtime rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, and is now back with her old manager, Larry Rudolph.

We're guessing that Britney has a few spiteful tricks left up her proverbial sleeve. As we speak, a team of graffiti artists are most likely taking up residence in the Spears/Federline manse and "decorating" every piece of Kevin's wardrobe with words like "asshat," "jagoff," and "cuntlicker." Although K-Fed would probably take that last one as a compliment.

Britney: Always hot at MrSkin.com.