A day in the life of Paris Hilton: gets called "piece of shit," is reminded to always remember her herpes medication, slips a boob. It's so much like a day in the life of CelebNewsWire, it's eerie.

Because we know our readers are a bunch of pervs, we'll start with the boob:





Yep, that's a tit alright. A tit that Stamos Nachos is about to nuzzle and suckle and fondle. And we've just discovered the image that will haunt our nightmares in the coming weeks. (X17 has the full Stamos and Paris photo series.)


But Nachos better be careful of Paris's taco, as it may contain some rancid meat. In this X17 video, Shanna Moakler has a helpful message for Paris: "She should take her Valtrex." Yes, we've heard of Paris's ability to excel in the herperial arts many times before, but maybe this message was meant to warn Paris that Travis Barker brings more to a relationship than wicked rad air drumming moves. Perhaps when Paris and Travis combine their unique herpes strains they will create a super virus capable of infecting passersby at a hundred-foot distance that will eventually destroy the entire planet.


Meanwhile Tina Fey popped up on the Howard Stern show yesterday, and instead of answering questions about whether or not breast feeding gets her hot, she talked about Paris, whom she called "a piece of shit." Cityrag helpfully transcribed the best parts, including:

She said Paris had "the hair of a fraggle", and left "nasty wads of Barbie hair on the floor" from her "cheap weave"!

and

[Paris] asked them to write a skit so she could play Jessica Simpson "because I hate her" "she's fat".

We know you're saying to yourself, "Gawd, what a bitch," but really who among us can claim that we don't hate Jessica Simpson because she's fat? You may think you're so much better than Paris, but you're not. You're just a boob-flashing, Jessica Simpson-hating walking herpes farm, just like Paris.

Start with Paris at MrSkin.com.

Then check out Shanna.

And if you've still got the energy, move on to Tina.