When celebrity couples break up we are usually reduced to crying and screaming and weeping and kicking passing puppies in the head. But when Britney Spears and Kevin Federline broke up we baked a twelve-layer cake, drank a case of two buck Chuck, and took the good jewels out of the vault. It was a party. But the crying and screaming et al. can now commence, as Kevin claims that no Ferderspears sex tape exists.

Kevin may not have access to his (loaded) children, a private jet, fancy hotel rooms, or cash to buy more than a Super Value Meal, but he still has his lawyer, who helpfully released this statement yesterday:

There is not a sex video of Kevin and Britney in existence. It goes without saying that the stories of Kevin attempting to sell such a video are patently false and anyone who reports that they have information of such attempts is either lying or reporting the lie of someone else. It would be impossible to comment upon and correct all of the other misinformation about Kevin that appears on a daily basis and consequently no attempt has been made, or will be made, to do so. I hope that the public and media will keep this in mind before assuming accuracy of facts from Kevin's silence.

Yes, we're saddened by the fact that we may never get to see Britney getting some Federspunk in her trunk, but this statement also brings us relief. The internets are now so full of heinous (heinous, Mr. Lawyerman tells ya) lies about Federline that we can freely call him a walking jizzbag who likes to molest ferrets and eat baby turds without fear of public-statement retribution.

Britney. Always hot at MrSkin.com.