Kevin Federline is so broke--how broke is he?--he's so broke he has to smuggle comped booze out of restaurants. (We're sorry. That was awful. We'll try harder next time.) Luckily he has a burgeoning poetry career to fall back on. Hopefully we'll soon be able to put a book of his poems (working title: Federline, Pimping Poems Like They's Bitches) on our shelf next to our prized volume of the poetry of Jewel. Although we doubt that even the inspired verse of Mr. PopoZao can live up to one of our favorite lines from Jewel: "Vincent said she was like screwing a corpse, but a 16-year-old corpse with young tits, so it wasn't bad."

Federline's image as a pimp is being severely damaged now that he's shopping at Wal-Mart, flying commercial, and had his credit cards and phone canceled by Britney. But there are still a few suckers willing to feed him for free. Page Six reports:

He and his entourage of eight wannabe rappers showed up at downtown burlesque joint Corio for a comped dinner that would have cost him $1,200, a source tells us. An eyewitness at the next table reports, "He just kept ordering more and more food and then asked for it to be put in containers so he could take the food out to the clubs with him. Then he started putting napkins in the tops of the tequila and vodka bottles and stuck them under his coat trying to sneak the liquor out with him. It was really unbelievable to watch. The guy obviously has enough money to buy a bottle of liquor on his own without trying to sneak it under his coat." Well, maybe not anymore.

We really like the idea of KFed in a club, bumping on the dance floor to the new Chamillionaire song, a styrofoam container of leftovers balanced in one hand, a plastic fork in the other, and a couple half-empty bottles of booze sloshing around in his coat pockets. Maybe he could even beat up a homeless man on his way to the club and snatch a half pack of Parliaments.


And about that poem:





It doesn't really have the lyrical intensity of Whitman or the flow of Frost, but we have a feeling Anne Sexton might enjoy it. Funny thing though, this was found on a shower door backstage at Chicago's House of Blues, so it's obviously a fake, as Kevin hasn't seen a shower since his appearance in Chaotic. (Oh, and Us Weekly used their top of line celebrity handwriting analyst to authenticate the signature, and Us is never wrong.)

Britney's got the money and the body at MrSkin.com.