It's official: For every day until the end of time (or at least until Britney's demise in a bizarre poisoned hair-extension accident) you will encounter a minimum of three gossip items concerning Britney Spears and/or Kevin Federline. Today, Kevin allegedly tries to sell a sex tape, but if that falls through he'll always have that intriguing surveillance footage from his car, and Vogue turns down free pics of Jayden.

We're very selective when citing News of the World as a source; we know they're usually full of shit, but sometimes that shit is damned entertaining and we can't ignore it. Today they tell us that Kevin possesses a sex tape involving Britney and will use it as blackmail or sell it.

Dumped husband Kevin Federline has been touting the four-hour tape for sale and has already been offered £26 MILLION.

A film company wants to make it available online to fans around the world.

Britney, 24, fears the raunchy footage will destroy her wholesome image unless she caves in to his demands for a £16million payoff and custody of their children Sean Preston, one, and Jayden James, eight weeks.

The home-made video is believed to show the naked couple enjoying an uninhibited range of love-making and sexual games. It was made during the first weeks of their relationship two years ago when they were holed up in one of the exclusive bungalows at the Beverly Hills Hotel in Los Angeles.

The source close to Federline said: "At the time the two of them were in the honeymoon stages of the relationship and couldn't keep their hands off each other.

He added: "At the moment Kev is in talks with a company in Arizona about putting the four-hour sex vid online. If it all goes to plan he'll make £26million from it."

The source explained that Federline is so enraged with his estranged wife he will do anything to hurt her.

The most obvious flaw in this story is the claim that the tape is four hours long. That must mean that it contains every three-minute sex act the couple ever shared on one tape, or the sex must precede Kevin falling asleep while Britney watched Braveheart and a couple episodes of Cheaters.

But always the businessman, KFed has a back-up plan. Page Six quotes the entrepreneur:

"I actually got a surveillance system put in my truck, so I'm recording everything," Federline told XM's "Top 20 on 20" show. "The paparazzi turn into a pack of wolves . . . I got some pretty funny video footage of them just tripping all over themselves like dominos."

Yeah, we bet TMZ will be all over that one. What's more interesting than people who are not famous falling down while trying to take pictures? If that's what sells, we've got some hot footage of our uncle Mort landing in the bushes while trying to snap his neighbor in her bikini.

Meanwhile, Britney is not having the easiest time dumping off free pics of her youngest son. Star reports:

Vogue magazine has turned its nose up at Britney Spears! The high-end fashion magazine was approached by the newly-single star to run the first photos of Britney with her second son with Kevin Federline, Jayden James. "She really wanted the photos to run in Vogue, but they turned her down," a source tells Star. "She's now reconsidering her options." It's a big blow for Brit, who adores the magazine, and was featured on its cover in November 2001.

What's that you say? A celebrity baby decked out in Old Navy won't sell fashion magazines? Kate Moss in her underwear will be more pleasing to the advertisers at Kiehl's and Louis Vuitton? Now we've heard everything.

All the Britney you can handle at MrSkin.com.