Remember when Renée Zellweger and Kenny Chesney were married for less time than it took you to get rid of that persistent itch and then they got divorced and Renée cited fraud as the reason and everyone just assumed that meant that on her wedding night she walked into the honeymoon suite to find Kenny all naked and sweaty with his roadie Julio? We were all wrong. See, Kenny couldn't fully devote himself to Renée because his heart already belonged to another. He'll never love a woman the way he loves a nice pile of clean laundry.

According to gossip sensei FeamleFirst, Chesney said:

I've done my own laundry ever since I was a little kid. I mean my mom worked and she was a single, working mother and so, if I was gonna have clean underwear, I had to do it.

Now I'm so particular that I won't let anybody else touch it.

On the road, (I do it) every day. You've got hours to waste... Usually at the venue, arena or wherever we're playing they have a facility.

I'm one of those people who are addicted to laundry. I'm always doing it... My clothes smell really good.

Before when we thought of the Zellweger/Chesney marriage (which we did often, because it's better than spending another hour trying to coax a conversation out of our Real Doll) we imagined Renée at home, eating some chunky monkey while wearing huge satin panties then wiping away tears while shaving her legs as Kenny hit the town dressed in assless leather chaps and a fake Freddie Mercury mustache, making a survey of every gay bar in town. But now we'll have to imagine Kenny sitting in a garishly lit laundromat, rummaging through his man purse for quarters and trying to battle the scourge of static cling.

Spy divorcée Renée at MrSkin.com.