• Following her guest-starring role as lottery winner Dawn Budge on Nip/Tuck, Rosie O'Donell will be doing a spinoff series. A Dawn Budge spinoff but no Riding the Bus with My Sister spinoff? God, the injustice in this world.


• We can see right through Mischa Barton.


• And after that, she pokes out our eyeballs so that we might never see again.


• Lance and Matt: forever putting the "ghey" in "McConaughey"!


• Ellen Barkin would like you to know that she has fucked George Clooney. Big deal. Join the club.


• Kelly Brook's underwear can be yours. In fact, Kelly Brook's underwear can be anybody's now.


• Suzanne Somers wrote a new book about hormone replacement therapy being the fountain of youth. Before you go clamoring to pick up a copy and a side of progesterone, have a gander at the results. Sweet fancy Moses on a cracker!


• Whitney Houston is legally extricating herself from Bobby Brown. Hopefully she'll get custody of a better weave. Oh yeah! We went there! That's right!


• Heather Mills is alleging that Paul McCartney roughed her up during their marriage. Oh, please. That's like saying you got roofied by Cat Stevens. Paul McCartney? Macca? Seriously? The worst we can picture is him smoking a laced doob and giving a half-hearted slap with some organic radishes or something.


• The wrestlers of the WWE had their way with Kevin Federline the other night. And while the pictures of K-Fed getting body-slammed in the ring are pleasant enough, we can't help but yearn for the quality WWF days of our youth and wish that Junkyard Dog and the Iron Sheik would join forces to tag-team Federline, while Lou Albano shot rubber bands from the sidelines and afterwards, Rowdy Roddy Piper would make a man out of K-Fed during a Backlot Brawl.