We've got to keep up with the Johnsons and the Smiths and the Egotastics and the Idontlikeyouinthatways, so we're introducing a new feature. At the end of each month, we'll be your bloggy Rick Dees and will count down the top five search phrases (not including "CelebNewsWire" and its variants) people use to get to this site. There aren't a lot of surprises here, aside from the fact that "fergie pee" has finally slipped out of the top ten, and that one person (hi, Dad!) found us by searching for "Jessica Simpson hanging labia".

Without further adieu, let us peel away your peers' shells and expose their innermost longings with the most popular search terms from August!

#5 is “Angelina Jolie baby shower”. CelebNewsWire does not suffer fools gladly, and fools looking for outdated information never. Hey numbskulls, Angelina Jolie gave birth three months ago! Baby Shiloh is practically eleven in Hollywood years! Plus, Angelina’s arguably the sexiest woman in the world and you are searching for information about her baby shower? What, are you obsessed with “guess how big the mommy’s belly” games? Do you fetishize freshly gift-wrapped onesies? You are a disappointment to the human race, all 94 of you. However, you can read all about The Golden Child’s birth here, sickie.

#4 is “Kendra Wilkinson naked” And things grow curiouser and curiouser. Kendra Wilkinson makes up one third of Hugh Hefner’s torso-toppling triad of Bunny concubines. When they’re not busy being octogenarian dong-mittens, they star in a reality show called The Girls Next Door. We’re not exactly sure how or why this search is directing them to CNW, seeing how the only story we’ve written about the lovely Kendra was a few days ago and involved her being on the receiving end of a bottle of water wielded by Eminem. No matter, you can still see Kendra Wilkinson naked here, at MrSkin.com.

#3 is “Aaron Carter shirtless” Listen, we pride ourselves on being a racy operation here. Need an errant nipple, a cheek sneak, an embarrassing shot of menses-stained drawers? We’re your guy. But we have to draw the line somewhere, at that somewhere is featuring pictures of the younger siblings of boy banders toking the wiz and missing a top. Nosirree, we have never written about Aaron Carter shirtless. You will never, ever find Aaron Carter shirtless here. Aaron Carter shirtless is something we just don’t cotton to. You’ll especially not ever find our shirtless Aaron Carter story here.

#2 is “nip slips”. Ah, nip slips! They are the sparkling emerald in our calumny crown jewels, the ripe, dew-laden peach in our gossip horn o’ plenty. And his month has handed us nips aplenty. Thrill to the Kate Bosworth nip slip! Be struck dumb in the face of Penelope Cruz’s bikini malfunction! Dig the funky fresh sounds of Lindsay Lohan in a revealing sweater dress! Quiver in awe at the feet of Mindy Kaling’s (and Bai Ling’s) Emmy awards nip flash!

And the #1 search term that brings internet people to CelebNewsWire is “Lindsay Lohan nude”. That we can help you with, sort of. While it doesn’t reach the dizzying heights of her March funbag flash at a car show, Lindsay’s aforementioned sweater dress-induced blammo was pretty noteable, as far as inadvertent celebrity nudity goes.

We hope this little exercise has learned you a thing or two. We know that we have taken in the sobering lesson illustrated: in the future, more pictures of Aaron Carter in various stages of semi-nudity.

More of Lohan is to be had by you, at MrSkin.com.

Angelina's there, too. Naked.

Cruise into a naked Cruz here.

Kate Bosworth naked? Yes!

Kendra Wilkinson naked? Also yes!