Yesterday we brought you the tale of Screech and the Dirty Sanchez. Today TMZ has tape. Of course the clip they have is so tame even the word "poop" is censored. But there is a shot of Dustin Diamond in a candle-lit bubble bath to get your panties creaming. Or your bile bubbling. Whichever.

If you have your Encyclopedia Brown cap on you will have noticed that Dustin mentioned a points system and someone named Mark. Naturally we assume that the Mark in question must be none other than Mark-Paul "Preppy" Gosselaar. And of course from there we jump to the conclusion that the points system exists for a game of "Sexually One-up Your Saved by the Bell Co-stars" in which each member of the cast makes a sex tape to be scored for erotic effect creativity by all other cast members. But what could the prize be? The collected Bell royalties? The chance to create a new series for Cinemax based on your Bell character and co-starring a bevy of former porn actresses (or actors) looking for mainstream (or at least softcore) success? The outcome is uncertain. What is certain is that we wait with bated breath for Mr. Belding's contest entry. Nothing turns us on more than a paunchy, balding, middle-aged man in a cardigan.