Rumor has it that Hard Rock Cafe/Pink Taco crown prince Harry Morton recently visited Cartier to purchase an engagement ring for his oft-intoxicated inamorata, Lindsay Lohan.





Forgoing getting down on one knee and placing the ring on her trembling, outstretched finger, or the ever popular "surprising your best gal with a ring in a champagne glass," Harry instead chose to hide the bauble inside his love's rectum. Forget skywriting--nothing says "Will you marry me?" like a ring up the kazoo!

We were saying just the other day that what this generation really needs is a new glamorous starlet-hospitality-heir pairing in the grand tradition of Liz Taylor and Conrad Hilton. Only with less wife-beating and more bikinis. Enter Harry and Lindsay! The young entrepeneur was seen, sometime within the last couple of days, entering Cartier and purchasing... something.





Morton's spokesperson (you date Lohan, you have to get a publicist) released the following statement:

"I can confirm that Harry was shopping in Cartier, but what he purchased I cannot confirm. If it was in fact a gift then that's between him and whomever the gift is for."

Coy, very coy, there, little Spokeslady. We're just gonna go out on a limb and say that he probably wasn't buying an engagement ring for Lindsay. There are some girls you want to grow old with, raise children with, argue over mutual funds with, spoonfeed puréed beets to after she's lost her teeth. And there are some girls you want to dress in a bikini made from those green plastic strawberry containers and administer a plate job to. And ne'er the twain shall meet, so guess which Lindsay probably is?


Plate job. Look it up.


And speaking of Lindsay in a bikini, there are some brand new pictures of her in her eighty-seventh bikini of summer 2K6 here.


UPDATE: Not true, says Lohan's mama, Dina: "It's absolutely not true. They are not engaged. They're dating and it's moving along." Keep in mind that this is from the woman who claims her darling daughter is in bed with a glass of warm milk and a good book at 9 P.M. every night.


If you still need more Lindsay--and you do--go to MrSkin.com