Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer/barnacle Howard K. Stern appeared on Larry King last night, and dropped a bomb, announcing with much fanfare, that he is the father of Anna's infant daughter. He then whipped off his Howard K. Stern mask to reveal that he is actually Howard Stern with no "K.", and is not only Anna's lover, but also her brother! Her twin brother! And also her father! Dun-dun-DUNNNN!

OK, possible scenarios:

A. Money-hungry Howard K. Stern drugged Anna and, twisting his moustachio and rubbing his hands together gleefully, impregnated her as she slept. He then killed her son Daniel so that he and the baby would be the sole heirs of her semi ill-gotten nonagenarian billions. It's a stretch, because Anna isn't the shiniest coin in the fountain, and it would be fairly easy to embezzle funds from her without resorting to murder and/or cloak-and-dagger impregnation.

B. Paparazzo Larry Birkhead, with whom Anna Nicole was in a long-term relationship and who has been widely speculated to be the baby's father, is actually a terrible, bad man who poked holes in his condoms with a safety pin so that he can produce a baby and heir to Anna's semi ill-gotton nonagenarian billions. Stern is being a kind and caring friend, secreting his client on a tropical island and posing as her babydaddy to protect her fortune from a devious Pavarotti.

We're not sure what's going on, but I think we can all agree on one thing: Howard K. Stern ingested a large quantity of tranqs or disco pillows or goofballs. Or whatever it is Anna was on during the first season of The Anna Nicole Show.

There's lots of naked ANS at MrSkin.com.