Sure we've written about eleventy stories on Britney Spears finally waking up from her contact high and loading up Kevin Federline's hobo pouch, tying it to a stick, and sending him on his way, but she just doesn't seem to have any followthrough. She will never realize that she is married to a complete asshat. Doesn't she comprehend that she's young, rich, and famous? Surely there's some hot pool boy or shrub pruner out there who would love the chance to stow away in the master bedroom and treat her like a queen in exchange for a handsome monthly allowance. Doesn't that sound nice, Brit?

What's a boy to do when his sugar momma gets sick of his shit and cuts his allowance to a paltry sum that only covers boring things like food and clothing (and maybe one hooker a week if he starts eating Top Ramen)? Buddy up to a friendly and deep-pocketed tabloid reporter, of course. According to MSNBC's Jeannette Walls:

Britney Spears has yet another reason to be miffed at her hubby. Kevin Federline shelled out $300,000 for a wristwatch without telling his wife first, according to Us Weekly. Perhaps it's no co-incidence that that's the exact amount the aspiring rap star reportedly was paid to record an album and tour in Japan. “All he does is work on his music and try to find ways to get out,” a source told the mag. “That is all he cares about. It has taken a big toll on their marriage because he's not always there for her and he used to be.”

What's more, Spears suspects that K-Fed is responsible for some of the leaks to the tabloids about the couple's private lives. “Britney knows Kevin tells his friends information, knowing they will leak it to tabloids,” a source close to Spears told Us. She has taken to not telling her hubby certain things — including that she was going to announce her pregnancy on David Letterman — for fear the info would be leaked to his buddies. “They sell stories for money. ... She is sick of him using her for them to profit.”

We have to hand it to Kevin for finding such an inventive solution to his problem. Faced with no easy money from the wife, a career that will be lucky to bring in enough to cover a jumbo size Slim Jim, and a collection of friends who, we're guessing, has a net worth of about $42, he switched out the dunce cap for a thinking cap. Of course he didn't want a direct link between himself and Us Weekly, so under the guise of bro'ing down he let stories slip. And if his friends' monetary gain at the expense of his wife happens to bring him a couple shots of Goldschlager and a lap dance, how could he possibly turn that down?

Britney in happier times at MrSkin.com.