Britney Spears is finally kicking Kevin out of the house, pulling herself together, and becoming an object of male lust once again. We think. Or maybe the smell of Kevin's feet was so potent that it was triggering her morning sickness and she had to banish him to the basement. But we really, really, really hope it's the former. Because we sincerely miss hot Britney.

We were greeted this morning with a wonderful headline that made our heart swoon: Britney and Federline Split? We did a few cartwheels around the office, downed a triple americano, and pumped our fist in the air in victory. Then we noticed the question mark. And that only means trouble. Perhaps that question mark is replacing a few words. Maybe the headline was supposed to read: Britney and Federline Split . . . Super Jumbo Challenge Dog at Pink's. That would be lame. And the accompanying story didn't do too much to reassure us. IMDB says:

British newspaper the Daily Mirror claims the couple's relationship has grown so strained, Spears has banished Federline to live in the basement of their California mansion. She reportedly returned from New York this week to find the aspiring rapper drinking and smoking cannabis in the house. Sources tell the newspaper Spears had hoped to save the marriage for the sake of their son Sean Preston and their unborn second child - due in October - but has lost patience. A friend says, "She wanted to wait but their relationship has become so hostile she just doesn't see how she can make it work." When quizzed, a spokesman for the star refused to deny the claims.

Oh no! Drinking and smoking cannabis! Lordy me! How ever will Britney save Kevin from the burning pits of hellfire? But seriously, Kevin living in the basement and a publicist keeping her trap shut does not amount to a divorce. We need TMZ video of Britney flinging wife beaters onto her lawn from a second-story window while singing, "Ding dong, the witch is dead. Which old witch? The Wicked Witch!"

Britney as she was at MrSkin.com.