Poor Teri Hatcher. As she is the last surviving single among her female Desperate Housewives co-stars, she must carry that "desperate" tag for all it's worth. And if that means giving the public the impression that she's on her hands and knees daily begging for sex, then so be it.

If our memory serves, the only action Teri Hatcher has gotten in the past two or three years was a little smooching from an obviously closeted TV personality. She even got sue happy to make sure the world knew that she did not have sex in a van in her backyard. So really, girl could use a good pipe cleaning. Or she could at least use a rental card for the Eva Longoria Vibrator Emporium. She surely owns enough to start a little sex-toy side business. Instead Teri wants lots and lots of simulated, prime-time-tame sex. Show creator Marc Cherry said of Teri:

I remember her coming to me and saying, 'Let me sleep with someone!'

He continued that she

is always complaining that she doesn't have a boyfriend in real life, so I think she pushes me to have her date on the show because it's the only action she gets.

Teri wants to bury something in her hairy. The Hatch wants to catch something in her snatch. This Desperate Housewife wants to, uh, house something in her, uh . . . aw, screw it, we give up.

Find out what's in Teri's hatch at MrSkin.com.