We can only think of one person who comes close to being a bigger pile of cat turds than Brandon Davis, and that man is Brett Ratner. (OK, maybe Chris "no fat chicks" Klein.) Ratner has spent the last few years yelling "Action!" and "Cut!" and pretending he knows what those words mean, but it hasn't brought him any closer to his one true passion: Taking naked photos of hot famous chicks. And since he is so famous and important himself, only the most famous women on the planet will suffice. No Elisha Cuthberts or Piper Perabos for this guy, no sir. Only Halle Berry or Lindsay Lohan will fulfill his artistic vision.

Yes, we would love to see nude photos of Lindsay Lohan, as long she didn't get all Christina Aguilera on us and cover up the parts that everyone wants to see. And even though we've seen Halle in puris naturalibus, we know she's got a damn sexy body and wouldn't mind seeing it again. But could we just get someone other than Brett Ratner to photograph these ladies? Someone who looks a little less like a New Jersey gym teacher on his hot Saturday-night date with a local stripper? I mean, just listen to the doosh:

I've shot a lot of guys - I want to shoot some girls. Mariah Carey is like the only woman I've shot. I want to shoot some women. Halle Berry would be cool. And Lindsay Lohan . . . I'd like to shoot the Pirelli calendar. Wouldn't that be awesome? Hot!

Could he be any more vile? Probably not unless he was sporting a trucker hat with a wide-open beaver shot on it. Oh, wait, we underestimated him. The New York Daily News paints a picture of his resemblance to a sewage drain:

A young blond woman in tight jeans interrupted to ask: "Can you be requested to take pictures? Do you do nude shots?"

The gum-chomping Ratner brushed her off, then confided: "I'd like to take nude pictures of girls. Not her, though."

Which didn't stop him from checking her out as she sauntered away. Ratner admitted: "I'm overpaid as a photographer, I've got to say. Way overpaid."

We're sure he continued by explaining that, though the lady might be sufficient for a little slap and tickle in the backseat of his Bentley, she just wasn't up to the caliber of his art. And then he said, "What has two thumbs and likes bangin' pussy? This guy!"

Halle, naked as the day is long, at MrSkin.com.


And Lindsay's not naked, but she sure is hot, also at MrSkin.com.