It seems like Paris Hilton has been hovering a bit below our radar lately (perhaps she's been hanging out at home with some Thai takeout and the complete MacGyver collection on DVD waiting for her Valtrex to kick in). So today we'll give you a three-fer in which Paris loses her Nachos (again), finds God, and gets a clit erection from smoking.

First up, Paris and Stamos Nachos have broken up. Maybe. All we've really got on this story is a statement from Paris's spokesperson, Elliot Mintz: "It is not my policy to comment on my client's private life. But I would not offer a denial." Hmmm. That, uh, that tells us a lot. Thanks, El. Honestly we care less about this matter than we do about Mischa Barton's dog's anal warts, but there is an upside: When Paris moves on to a new Greek shipping heir, perhaps he will again have a delightful name that can be turned into an amusing nickname. We're hoping that name will sound something like Tortilla Gorilla.

And in case you didn't see that rosary she keeps in her vagina the last time you watched 1 Night in Paris, she'll tell you that she's deeply religious. She told Michael Musto, "I'm Catholic. Of course, they're not going to run pictures of me in church." Maybe if Paris wants to belong to a church that will plaster her face all over it's walls she should join The Church of Our Heavenly Whore in Van Nuys. We hear they serve a lovely coffee and donut spread.

And we'll leave you with Paris saying something stupid: "Smoking is so sexy. It's like so cool how you all smoke everywhere in the UK." You know what else is sexy? When people get cock-and-balls tattoos on their foreheads. Paris could totally start a trend with that one. Smoking is so 1978. Blaze a trail, Paris.

Paris is smokin' hot at MrSkin.com.