All gossip stories about Natalie Portman go a little like this: Natalie is cast in a movie. Natalie shoots movie. Person on movie set reports that Natalie is naked in movie. Hearts and penii swell. Movie comes out. Natalie is not naked. Boners wilt. Tears are shed. Natalie Portman effigies are burned. Grown men turn into weeping goth cutters. Fecund earth dries up. Day turns to night. Famine, natural disasters, war. Then Natalie is cast in another movie, and the cycle begins anew.

Our hearts are colorful balls of string, and Natalie Portman is the grinning, winking cat batting us around with her pretty pretty pretty little pixie claws. Sure, she'll puke in the closet and crap in our shoes, but we'll still follow her fuzzy little self around the house, making goo-goo eyes and attempting to stroke her soft fur. Yes, indeed, Nat is shooting a new movie, and according to a poster at Ain't It Cool News, she is interrogated and roughed up in a highly nude fashion. Egotastic! reports the mystery poster as saying:

Now, [this] isn't some bullshit interrogation involving comfy chairs and being poked with soft cushions. This is some major torture. Her hands are tied behind her back and then she is lifted off the ground... BY HER WRISTS! If you think that this sounds painful, well, you should see it. One more thing about this scene... NATALIE PORTMAN'S NAKED! (Well, at least the unfinished special effect of Natalie is.) It's not necessarily the ideal place to see her nude, but, you take what you can get, right guys?

Titillating to be sure, but also a little creepy. Creepy in that she's getting tortured, of course, but also creepy in that the scene sounds a lot like Maggie Gyllenhaal's infamous butt naked scene in Strip Search. You'll recall that Natalie is quite possibly dating Jake Gyllenhaal. Who is Maggie's brother. We're not saying that Jake Gyllenhaal wants to have proxy sex with his sister or nuthin'. We're just saying that Natalie is making some coincidental career choices. And also that Jake Gyllenhaal wants to bang his sister.

Natalie teases at MrSkin.com.