• Nicole Richie and DJ AM have officially broken up. Apparently, he's disgusted by Nicole's extreme weight loss method of not eating, while he lost over a hundred pounds the old fashioned way: by having a team of doctors reduce his stomach to the size of a butterbean, then saw off all his excess skin with scalpels.


• Ryan Seacrest pulls a Heather Chandler.


• Naomi Campbell "keeps new man quiet". By beating his larynx clean out of his throat with a Sidekick.


• Beginning our special cleavage (un)coverage from Cannes: Halle Berry's berries!


• Up next: Elizabeth Hurley, trotting out her old girls!


• And finally, Alyssa Milano's Micelli mams! A stupendous showing! Props to all!


• Michelle Rodriguez is heading back to jail. Must be a dream come true for her.


• Michelle Williams's dad was jailed for tax evasion. Maybe he and Lindsay Lohan's father can break out the jug and harmonica and form a prison band.


• Penn Jillette and wife name newborn son Zolten, because they want him to grow up to tell fortunes.


• Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell names her newborn daughter Bluebell Madonna, because she wants her to be a magical pet rabbit that strips.