We hope that you had a fun-filled weekend, because it doesn't look like any celebrities did. There's still no TomKat (fake, alien) baby, Lindsay Lohan didn't get coked out and fall down the stairs at whichever club is days away from becoming so last week (or we didn't hear about it), and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt didn't adopt the entire orphan population of Borneo. Pretty mundane really. Except for Kevin Smith calling Reese Witherspoon a cunt. That was a bit exciting.

We're not sure why students at the University of Pennsylvania need advice on how to progress from hip young director to owner of the highly uncoveted Ben Affleck nutsack hat, but for some reason Kevin Smith filled this void. And in the process he expressed his extreme hatred of Reese Witherspoon and called Nicole Richie a skanky ho. Of Witherspoon he said:

"I did vote for her for 'Walk the Line' because she was so good. I forgot how much I hated that cunt!"

And when considering Witherspoon's friend Selma Blair for a part in one of his films, he said to her:

"You know where that bitch lives? I want to roll up on Weezy Reesey's house and egg that motherfucker 'cause fuck her!"

Why such hostility, Kevin? Does your wife own copies of both Just Like Heaven and Sweet Home Alabama and make you watch them while giving her a foot massage?

But what of no-thicker-than-a-stiletto-heel Richie? Smith claims that back when she had some meat on her and had a couple of needles dangling out of her arm, she got herself a piece of some Jay and Silent Bob action with non-silent half Jason Mewes. He said that Nicole "pulled Jay into a bathroom and just sat on [him] and started going at it." We're confused. We thought bathroom stalls were for doing coke. And now we find out you can also have sex in them? Are there any other hidden purposes to these public sanctuaries, like, we don't know, maybe taking a crap? Na. You'd have to eat something for that to happen. Richie, however, does not corroborate this story. Her publicist told The New York Daily News:

"She didn't know his real name till I explained, then said: 'I met him but, ewwwww! Are you kidding me? I've never ever had sex with him.'"

Weezy Reesey is topless at MrSkin.com.

And Nicole is there too.