Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest, sittin' on the beach.

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes bearding, second comes herpes

Then comes the coy denials followed by convenient photo ops followed by couch jumping followed by a quickie engagement and miracle alien baby gestating in Teri's womb for approximately 6 trimesters.

Calling Ryan Seacrest a closeted Friend of Dorothy is a little too easy and obvious. Even his last name is as gay as a twittering baby lark in springtime. But these photos are just sad. They just make us shake our little heads and feel real bad for Ryan, deep inside our hearts. Admittedly, we are the first people to believe any mismatched celebrity coupling. If you told us that Jessica Alba was dating Rip Torn, we'd be like, "Oh? How lovely for them both" but goddamn, we're not buying this for a second. The clenched jaws, the far-too-obvious beachside locale, Seacrest's hand and lips instintively moving towards more familar territory--the butt and the phallic nose, respectively.

There's something else fishy about these pics. Something about Teri . . . Wait. She's pairing a Wet Seal duster sweater with a trucker hat? Good gravy! That can only mean one thing. These pics were taken in 2002! Dun dun DUNNNN!

Ease your disgust by looking at pretty pics of Teri Hatcher's hairy thatcher at MrSkin.com.