Good news, Eva Longoria fans! Your heroine might find herself single quite soon, after outing her boyfriend as an inexperienced demivirgin in a national magazine.

We not Erma Bombeck here. We cannot formulate clever, quoteable quips about the human condition because we don't know much about it, frankly. But we do know one thing about men, as a whole, and that's that they do not care for it much when you tell everyone about their lack of experience in the boudoir. So we're assuming that when San Antonio Spur Tony Parker hears about his girlfriend discussing his chastity in Allure mag, he will be none too pleased:

"I'm the experienced one. I'm the teacher, especially about love. He's always telling me he's never met anyone who loves the way I do - wholly and freely and unconditionally . . . [It was] lust at first sight with Tony . . . [He's] only been with one other person in his life."

Eva reminds us of the Play-Doh Fun Factory. You turn the crank on her back and a neverending string of glop is emitted from her mouth. Except instead of the end product being a star-shaped rope of nontoxic, pliable fun, it's an odorous miasma of used vibrators, poon tattoos, and bitter regret.

Get a longoria looking at Eva pics at MrSkin.com.