Basic Instinct 2 premiered Monday night to resounding boos, snickers, jeers, heckles, derision, uncontrollable wheezing, intense scorn, spontaneous hives, reverse peristalsis, the vapors, convulsions, explosive diarrhea, coma, and death.

We have not yet seen this movie, and far be it from us to complain about any movie featuring the mons pubis of one of the most famous and sexy ladies of 1992. So we'll let other people do it for us. Page Six reports that during the film's premiere, audience members "kept cracking up at inappropriate times"; for instance, when Sharon Stone uttered this soon-to-be-classic line of dialogue:

"Not even Oedipus saw his mother coming!"

Hi-yooooo! We can hear Sharon backpedaling now, saying, "Oh, I adored the script. It was so camp! I've always wanted to be in a cult film, and I saw my chance. It was such a hoot!" Except for the fact that the dialogue wasn't the only thing awry. One audience member chortled:

"The only thing worse than the dialogue were Sharon's implants!"

Others agreed that the star's yams "seemed lopsided". There's a simple explanation for that, though. One of her implants just felt extreme shame while performing in what it felt was a subpar film, and was attempting to slowly slide down her rib cage and into the crook of her hip to hide.

Sharon's barin' it all at MrSkin.com.