Nicolette Sheridan's spurned, nonfamous ex-fiance wants to tell the world about what a bad lover his former main squeeze is. Obligatory "now who's Desperate!" joke here. We're really phonin' it in today.

Personal trainer Nick Soderblom has a bone to pick with Nicolette Sheridan. And that bone is the one in his pants, all cobwebby and downtrodden neglected. In a phenomenal fit of sexual frustration and really really sour grapes, he blabbed to News of the World:

"Making love to her was always a struggle. Nicolette isn't very keen on sex. The few times we did make love, her performance was not good. As a lover, I'd rate her two out of ten for technique and passion . . . The last eight months we were together I can count the number of times we made love almost on one hand. She seemed to prefer cuddling up to her golden retriever puppy, Oliver, than cuddling up to me."

Yeah, but you're the guy who stuck with (and proposed to!) a woman who kept her bidnizz as one keeps a rusty crypt for eight months. And now she's shacking up with the hilarious yet probably well-off (thank you, middle-aged women of the USA) Michael Bolton, and Nick Soderblom has to go back to being Nick Soderblom, whose only acting credit is "Juice Bar Attendant" on an episode of Spin City. Advantage: Sheridan.

Sorry, Nick, but your ex looks very hot and very naked at MrSkin.com.